Our children are literally about to tower us before we know it and be so independent, it will feel like a sting to get shoved to the side and not be needed anymore. Holidays alone are stressful, and for us and our home, we have Thanksgiving and a December 20th birthday that I always plan the first weekend of December before families have Christmas obligations. Then there is Christmas and our almost two year old was born on New Years Eve. Y’all. Is it possible to overdo it on lavender and sage?! Asking for a momma!
With all of that going on.. my extra added stress comes from ambivalent family members. (If you’re going through this, you are not alone, I’m here with you) Will we even get invited to the holiday gatherings? We haven’t been invited to one thing this year and an entire family (almost) has yet to meet our newest addition to the family in June.
I’m huge on birthdays and I enjoy picking themes and going overboard for my children. These young celebrations are euphoric for them and I enjoy decorating and making them feel like so loved. The older you get, birthdays tend to almost be “just another day” for most. So as long as our babies are little and willing, this mom is going elite event style!
I enjoy the heck out it. And honestly, I always will because those who show up always tell me I should get paid to plan parties/events. Last year for our middle child, Kaia’s first birthday, I did a Swan Lake themed birthday. I had babysbreath throughout, blush pink roses, blush pink cupcakes and pearls, swans with ballet slippers and crowns, and Kaia was in the cutest dress I found on Amazon.
Everyone was set to arrive around 1 PM on the day of her party… my friends and family rolled in. And we waited. And waited. And waited for two hours. My husband is blowing his family’s phones up and gets nothing. It’s now 3PM and I say “oh well, let’s do her cake smash, people need to go about their day too.” Although we embraced it and Kaia was sooo cute chomping into her cake, my husband is next to me breaking inside while he beams with pride. I’m an intuitive empath and I could just feel it. He stayed so strong and so proud for his first child, and I exited and the room and broke into tears for him and for our innocent baby girl. See, Kaia is our rainbow baby. We actually stood in the kitchen last night and held each other and sobbed on each other because I read another post that said “I’m so sorry, but there is no longer a heartbeat.” Those words were exactly what we heard exactly 3 years ago and I don’t think it was by coincidence on the timing. I’ll talk about this in another blog, I’ve actually never opened up about it. And I need to. So I’ll share that intimate moment with you all and what we went through soon!
You can see now, I have the biggest protection and fear of these events and my children now. This is a day to celebrate these precious souls… I know we aren’t the only family that has been utterly confused and broken by this, so I wanted to share (not bash anyone) and let you know you are NOT alone. I also began thinking about the kids who.. literally have no one show up to their birthdays. Could you even imagine?! I’m choking up in tears as I write because us mommas go to the moon for our babies as much as we can financially. This is also a day that changed us parents in a powerful way and we are so proud.
My take away from this and the reason I’m writing (is to help reduce my stress of holidays right now and), is every time my children are invited to a birthday party, we make a point to show up unless we legitimately had something we couldn’t cancel on. No one RSVPS these days either… keep the courtesy for the parents praying for a good turn out for their little one! That way if they legitimately got all NO responses, they can save their child from heartbreak. Luckily our one year old wasn’t aware, but for her future years and all of my children, you better believe I’m protective of who makes them feel unworthy or unloved. And I’m teaching them to be inclusive of everyone and show up for their friends and family. So don’t just think of your child on their birthday, ask them about the “quiet kid” in class that probably never gets invites. Our children will know who is there for them and who isn’t without me saying a word. It’s hard encourage them to have low expectations of certain people, even family sometimes…just not our immediate family of 5, because I consistently encourage engagement with their siblings with playing fair, snuggles and laughter together. Nothing makes me more proud as a parent to see my children be kind to everyone they meet and exude love!
Next time you get one of those handwritten invitations in the mail. Get excited for and with your children and make the plan to show up because you never know if you’re the only YES response they get.
Making others feel good, genuinely feels so good! With World Kindness Day here today, what acts of love and kindness have you showed recently? What can you strive to become better about to make your heart grow in size? Comment and let me know about your love you spread and how you teach your children to love and be loved.
Soda City Mom, Ashley J.